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Since September 11, 2001 there have been many opinions, articles, discussions, debates and even some jokes about the rationale and outcomes of the event. The last time there was an attack on American soil was December 7, 1941 when Pearl Harbor was bombed.
The day of this national tragedy marked the beginning of a ten year conflict in the Middle East. There were 2819 lives lost on that day and many more service men and women lost their lives in the aftershock. The event changed our collective viewpoint of our security and vulnerability. As an American I am very aware of the enormity of this reality. But I chose not to watch any of the coverage of the September 11 memorial. It was a conscious decision, because to me there seems to be very little honesty when it comes to dealing with the emotions of loss in the aftermath of the event.
What puzzles me, is the attempt to measure and compensate the people who suffered the loss of a loved one. The families of the 9/11 victims were given 1.8 million tax dollars as long as they promised not to sue the airline companies. They were given a strong voice in what became the national memorial. The families are also allowed speaker opportunities for TSA safety awareness and education, mental and health benefits, legal representation and countless other methods of support[1] Is there really a price that can be paid to compensate for a loss of a life?
Even though the question is a rhetorical one, (even 1.8 million dollars could never be exchanged for someone’s life!) the 9/11 families have been paid for their loss. And this payment gives a sort of impression that these families’ personally own a very extraordinary and rare kind of loss—one that no other person could feel.
Can someone really understand the impact or attempt to compensate someone after they experienced a loss on 9/11? And in the same vein, can anyone grasp or counteract a loss to someone who lost a family member to a drunk driver? Or to a murder? Or even worse, to someone whose loved one has suddenly disappeared and is missing?
It seems that the grief felt by those on 9/11 has been ratcheted up to a point in which there can be no comparison. How can we presume that a person who loses a loved one to a kidnapping or disappearance somehow feels that absence less than someone who lost someone in the attacks? It is as if those who faced the death of a loved one on 9/11 lost more than someone whose loved one died in another tragedy. The grief of the 9/11 families’ has been deemed special or somehow more profound.
I have lost loved ones and their loss to me is no less to me than if I had lost them on 9/11. One of my relatives nearly lost his entire family while he was in his freshman year at college. His house was burned to the ground and his father was admitted to the hospital with 90% of his body covered in third degree burns. The biggest tragedy was the loss of his mother, sister and brother who had all perished in the fire. No one could argue that his grief is somehow less impactful or significant than any other loss—even if it had occurred on 9/11.
The very act of setting aside a certain type of grief as special or a particular situation as an extraordinary way to lose someone, gives rise to a dismissive attitude toward the very real emotions of sorrow for those who have lost loved ones outside of that set parameter.
September 11, 2001 was a day that changed the psyche of our nation. For 2819 families, it was a day they joined thousands of others who have lost someone they love to a senseless tragedy.
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